33 weeks

I am currently getting bigger by the moment. I am hungry all of the time, but no room for food. I have been having contractions for the past month off and on all day but nothing that is actual labor, thankfully. 

I am still nursing JB, and he is getting only colostrum at this point, but doesn't seem to mind.

I have been good about not eating too many sweets even though I have been craving them. Sweet Hubs bought me some cookies and cream Blue Bell since it FINALLY is back on the shelves!

I have eaten lots of fruit, nutella, mmm nutella mug cake, salads, garlic, eggs and avocado. Those seem to be the biggest cravings.   I am exhausted, and my back hurts by the end of the day. I would kill for an in house masseuse/cook/maid, sadly I am not rich to have one. 

I am really nervous about the birth. 1. no NICU at the hospital, 2. how JB will react without Mama for a couple of days/nights and how he will react about sharing me. Lots of emotions running through me. We still do not have names picked out. Some days I think it would have been easier to know the sex so that we could just focus on one, but I am excited we are letting it be a surprise. I am nervous at taking care of a newborn with a rambunctious toddler. I am nervous that people will try to take over and take JB away from me when I really want us to learn to be a family together from the beginning. I am good at asking for help when i need it, but others do not seem to understand that. JB is still so little and cannot talk well enough to tell me what goes on when I am away from him or to tell whoever is caring for him that he wants his Mama and for them to listen. I know him. He loves me and wants to be with me a lot. I am lucky my sister tells me every time he asks for me and if he does it a lot brings him to me to see me during the day. She gets it, others do not. I am nervous about getting through the labor with no complications. I never want to leave my sweet boy without a Mama. I cry a lot over that. I love him so much it hurts some days. I never imagined loving something as much as I love him. I love this little person in my tummy as well. still nervous... 

I am tired of being told how to parent and what I should do. I am learning as I go but I am listening to my instincts, and those have never steered me wrong before. It is hard to deal with well meaning stubborn opinionated relatives who mean well but do not get the word "no" or the fact I am the mother and they already raised their kids. I am lucky my husband listens to me and gets where i am coming from even if he doesn't always agree, he does agree that I am an amazing mom who loves her kids and always have their best interest in my mind. 

I am still very big on no one will be at the hospital for the labor except my sister, my best friend and my husband. Everyone else needs to stay away. I need to focus on the baby and me and I need quiet. I need no distractions and quite frankly it is really annoying to be in pain with people staring at you.   JB will be with my sister while I am gone and she already has a plan of when to bring him to me (first thing every morning) so I can see my little love bug. As being away from him at night makes me cry. I am going to miss him so much. He is such a good snuggler and helps push me out of the bed. I haven't even packed for the hospital. Though I have been keeping the house clean. That has been my biggest obsession focus  lately. 

Overall I am ready to meet this little person who is wiggling around, kicking me, causing me heartburn and is already in my heart. I know that all will go as it should and that i have no control over things that happen. I am excited to see how JB will love on his sibling, as he is such a sweet boy. I just hope they both will always know that I love them so much!  Very soon we will no longer be a family of 3 but a family of 4. #partyof4please  

 

3rd trimester

I have been a real slacker on posting, on all my blogs.   Pregnancy is going well. No real cravings except for sweets and bread. I cannot get enough of fruit and really pastries, pies whatever I can get my hands on, but I do prefer fruit.

I saw the dr yesterday for my 28 week appt. She said all was going well. My belly is growing right on queue, the heartbeat is in the 150's so nice and strong. She was  pleased with everything. I really do love this dr. she is so nice and real. I will have to bake her a nutella pie!

Baby Deux is sitting low, so by the end of the day all i want to do is lay down, which is problematic with a toddler running around. I am exhausted. I need sleep and am not getting it. Again toddler....

But I am feeling good, still able to work out and am feeling this little peanut move a bunch!  it definitely likes to dance in my belly!

Happy 3rd trimester!


Love Mama

First trimester is over hello 2nd

The first trimester was rough.  I threw up daily, sometimes all day.  I was exhausted   And sick. It was crazy!  Thankfully we got through it. 

Cravings: fruit. I couldn't get enough fruit!

Bread loving bread! 

Eggs still loving eggs and cheese. But couldn't stand the smell of them (I can now)

I am thankfully not craving ice cream and pizza but am loving pasteries so having to curb that but doing well

I have only gained 15ish lbs so doing well. 

So far so good!

First ob appt

Had our first appt which showed baby deux will be making their arrival around April 5, 2016. 

Heartbeat was 180 and all looked well. 

I go back in 10 days for another appt 

We are pregnant again!

We found out about 2 weeks ago that we are pregnant again. I do not go to the doctor for another 2 weeks, and I will not actually publish this post for another 6-8 weeks (not sure exactly when) I do know, that once the cat is out of the bag, this blog will be flooded with a bunch of new posts that I have saved along my journey.

We are excited for baby Gray Deux, though I am extremely nervous as well. I get it now why moms say the 2nd baby is mixed emotions. How can I ever love something as much as I love JB. I mean, he is my world. I fear the new baby will disrupt him in ways I cannot even imagine, yet I know in the long run he will be so much happier with a sibling. He is so sweet to babies, though extremely jealous with anyone who wants my attention. I am hoping by 2 and 1/2 that will not be as strong, and with talking about it ahead of time that he will understand. Plus if he is still nursing he will get some really good milk and that will make him happy. At the moment my milk supply seems to have dropped a bit. Little one can still get the milk out but pumping is torture. My nipples are so sore, i feel like I am going through week 1-3 of nursing all over again.

At the moment I am taking in every cuddle I can. I know I should make him sleep alone but I cannot even imagine him being away from me at the moment. I fear Baby 2, will not get that 1 on 1 attention that baby 1 did. I fear that something will happen to the pregnancy and I am not sure I can bare that. I live in fear. I am exhausted, nauseous most days, I am trying to eat healthier this go around, I am trying make sure i exercise daily to keep my weight down. I definitely do not need another large baby due to me gaining too much weight. I am afraid to go to a new doctor, when we loved out old ones so much. So many emotions are running through me at the moment. Somehow I have learned to be much more calm, more kind more zen. My husband thinks i am a push over because I do not yell at our child and I give him choices. I like to think i am teaching him about emotions and how to control them. I do not want a child to obey, i want a child who learns respect, and empathy. A child that obeys, will always seek someone to obey when we are not around. I want our children to learn themselves. I have so many hopes and dreams for them both and at the same time am so afraid of the world we are bringing them into.

So far no cravings and some days I do not even realize i am pregnant. Those days i seem to freak out a bit. Though almost every day by the end of the day I am EXHAUSTED, like I cannot hold my eyes open exhausted.