I'm sorry CB

Oh CB, I did not picture your first year of life to be with a mom who is fighting cancer and fighting to stay alive for you and your brother! 

I'm so sorry you will not have the same mom your brother did. The energetic mom up for any adventure and trip! The mom who took him for daily walks, to the zoo, beach, festivals, visiting friends and more.

I'm sorry there will be times I can't pick you up 

I'm sorry we will have to emergency wean you from nursing and you will have to take a bottle 

I'm sorry i have to feed your formula 

I'm sorry you'll have nights away from me before you turn one

I'm sorry you won't have my hair to pull and eventually not have boobs to comfort you.

Oh I love you so much and am so sorry I'm sick. I wish so much this wasn't happening to us, to me.  

But what you wil get is more time with daddy and Emmy. You will always have my smiles and Kisses. You and your brother are my greatest accomplishments!  I wil fight to watch you grow up! I will fight to watch your personality develop! And I really hope you don't remember mama being sick and only remember my love!

All my love

~mama