I am still nursing JB, and he is getting only colostrum at this point, but doesn't seem to mind.
I have been good about not eating too many sweets even though I have been craving them. Sweet Hubs bought me some cookies and cream Blue Bell since it FINALLY is back on the shelves!
I have eaten lots of fruit, nutella, mmm nutella mug cake, salads, garlic, eggs and avocado. Those seem to be the biggest cravings. I am exhausted, and my back hurts by the end of the day. I would kill for an in house masseuse/cook/maid, sadly I am not rich to have one.
I am really nervous about the birth. 1. no NICU at the hospital, 2. how JB will react without Mama for a couple of days/nights and how he will react about sharing me. Lots of emotions running through me. We still do not have names picked out. Some days I think it would have been easier to know the sex so that we could just focus on one, but I am excited we are letting it be a surprise. I am nervous at taking care of a newborn with a rambunctious toddler. I am nervous that people will try to take over and take JB away from me when I really want us to learn to be a family together from the beginning. I am good at asking for help when i need it, but others do not seem to understand that. JB is still so little and cannot talk well enough to tell me what goes on when I am away from him or to tell whoever is caring for him that he wants his Mama and for them to listen. I know him. He loves me and wants to be with me a lot. I am lucky my sister tells me every time he asks for me and if he does it a lot brings him to me to see me during the day. She gets it, others do not. I am nervous about getting through the labor with no complications. I never want to leave my sweet boy without a Mama. I cry a lot over that. I love him so much it hurts some days. I never imagined loving something as much as I love him. I love this little person in my tummy as well. still nervous...
I am tired of being told how to parent and what I should do. I am learning as I go but I am listening to my instincts, and those have never steered me wrong before. It is hard to deal with well meaning stubborn opinionated relatives who mean well but do not get the word "no" or the fact I am the mother and they already raised their kids. I am lucky my husband listens to me and gets where i am coming from even if he doesn't always agree, he does agree that I am an amazing mom who loves her kids and always have their best interest in my mind.
I am still very big on no one will be at the hospital for the labor except my sister, my best friend and my husband. Everyone else needs to stay away. I need to focus on the baby and me and I need quiet. I need no distractions and quite frankly it is really annoying to be in pain with people staring at you. JB will be with my sister while I am gone and she already has a plan of when to bring him to me (first thing every morning) so I can see my little love bug. As being away from him at night makes me cry. I am going to miss him so much. He is such a good snuggler and helps push me out of the bed. I haven't even packed for the hospital. Though I have been keeping the house clean. That has been my biggest obsession focus lately.
Overall I am ready to meet this little person who is wiggling around, kicking me, causing me heartburn and is already in my heart. I know that all will go as it should and that i have no control over things that happen. I am excited to see how JB will love on his sibling, as he is such a sweet boy. I just hope they both will always know that I love them so much! Very soon we will no longer be a family of 3 but a family of 4. #partyof4please
